Introducing Me

#DearFutureGrandchildren,

In my last letter, I promised a brief “Introducing Me” post.
You’ll learn my voice and values over time, but I just want to share 11 fun facts about myself. Even though this feels like that painfully awkward tell-the-class-about-yourself “icebreaker” activity I pray to God instructors in your era still don’t force upon you, here goes:

1. Growing up in a purely Cuban family, at the age of 1, I had more gold bracelets and cross chains than displayed in your average rap music video

2. I was born with an abnormally large head. My cranium was a so large that nurses in the hospital tried to fit a hat intended for a 12 month old on my head as a newborn and it still was too small.

2.5 I also didn’t fully grow hair or teeth until the age of 2. Yet, somehow, my mother proudly took photos and walked out in public with her little mutant raisin kid. Crossing my fingers for better genetics in future generations.

3. It pains me to pay full price for any article of clothing (besides a classic designer handbag.) I spent most of my childhood with my aunt Yesenia who introduced shopping to me as a sport. We rode from Downtown to Bayside to South Beach in search of the “best deals.” Really, our items would be only $10-20 off, but it gave us a rush.

4. My favorite song is “Slow Show” by The National.

5. I have trypophobia. If you don’t know what that is… please DON’T Google it and look at the “images” section. You’re better off not knowing.

6. On nights when I was sick and crying, my Nana would draw a cross on my forehead with olive oil and pray over me until I fell asleep. I’ll continue this tradition when I have children of my own. Even if it doesn’t subdue the pain or discomfort, it makes for excellent drama.

7. Almost everything detrimental that has happened to me, has transpired in the month of October. Zero explanation for this one.

8. The first thing I notice in a man is his smile and his hands. Yup. Hands.
9. I (embarrassingly) crave fried pork dumplings at least once a week. I know the upcoming meat-free, gluten-free, let’s-have-kale-as-an-entree generations might disapprove. Who knows, they might be serving tree bark instead of birthday cake by the time you read this. But either way, don’t judge em before you try em, little Grandspawns.

10. I faint in the heat. My body doesn’t sweat as much as the average person’s (thank God) but that also means it retains heat and causes my body to shut down. I know when I’m about to faint because my surroundings change color-yellow, green, pink- and then I go blind. I see all black until I fall over unconscious. Thankfully I have time during the “going blind” stage to plan how I’m going to pose when I faint. Gotta do it gracefully.

11. Eleven is my favorite number. It’s so awkward, I love it.

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